Lost in your own life

“I want you to know,
You’re never alone
You’ll always have a place to go
It’s on a brighter side

I’ll color your night
I’ll lead you to light
Put hope inside that you can find

You don’t have to be lost,
Lost in your own life”

A few years ago, this very short-lived ABC Family series Ruby & the Rockets came on the air. The only redeeming feature of this silly sitcom was this song.  I used it for the end of a video I made from footage that my then 8 year-old daughter took at her first year of day camp. It seemed kind of sweet and upbeat. I didn’t really pay that close attention to the words, and like a lot of music I select for these projects–it just felt right.

In the video, you’ll see a bunch of adorable girls, all getting ready for 3rd grade, learning to ride horses, make crafts, singing stupid songs and being silly.

Now, not quite eight years later, one of them is gone.

It hardly seems possible, but one of these sweet girls took her own life this past weekend, after bravely struggling with depression for a few years.

The girls giggling and making goofy faces in this video are now heartbroken.

Lost in their own lives.

Wondering what more they could have done to have made her happier, eased her pain.

The answer is too complicated.

While she was on this earth, they had all grown apart. Some are in the “popular” group at school, others have transferred to other schools, some, stayed close and others tried.  They could see she was hurting and tried to say hi in the hallway, but maybe not often enough.

I am now longing for the girls in this video and in the photo below.  I want to see the giggly carefree faces, not the sad eyes I’ve been looking at all week.  Growing up is hard enough, but losing a friend so suddenly, with so many questions–is life changing.

It isn’t their fault.  The pain was too deep to reach her.  Her parents are loving, involved and did everything to make her well, but they couldn’t reach her. Her other family and friends also tried to reassure her that she was an amazing and loved kid, but that didn’t work either. No, not our girls fault, not the family’s, her close friends, not hers–just the evil cancer of depression.

So, what next?

I’ve been reading about Project Semicolon and it is their goal to help others “believe that this is not the end but a new beginning.”  That message, is what I’m sharing with my daughter.  This is the time to grow, mature and learn.

The other day, I was running and this same song somehow came on my playlist.  (not my usually playlist!) I listened to the words and started crying as I ran.  I realized this needs to be these girls’ anthem as they move through the rest of high school.

“I want you to know,
You’re never alone
You’ll always have a place to go
It’s on a brighter side”

Learn that if you see someone hurting, check in with her, send a goofy photo, say hi. If you are really worried, ask a parent, alert someone.

Learn that your actions at school and on social media affect those around you. Your words, your icy glare, mean SnapChat, texting insults and even cold shoulder can cut someone to the core. You have no idea what burdens your friends might be carrying that day/month/year.

Learn that if you go into that “cave” of depression, there are people that love and want to help. Ask for it. Reach out to someone.

As a parent, I’m still growing too.  Take a moment and talk to your kids. Heck, it might be a text, but sometimes, that’s when they talk.  Take them in the car for errands, and start a conversation–the passenger seat is also known as the ‘confessional’ in my house.  No need to look each other in the eye, so amazing things have been learned in my car.

Check in, take a pulse.  I have no answers, but I know I cannot get the giggly carefree girl back just yet, so I’m going to keep checking and reminding her that she’s never alone.

–kz